"...my poor heart is sentimental....not made of wood"

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Driving at Night


This post begins my chronicle of the Irish adventure. It begins the penultimate night and will most likely be less academic in nature and more personal. Hopefully I don't come off as a sap. At any rate, this is more for my own atrocious memory than for an audience. Although, Sartre would disagree with me, perhaps in an age of over-publishing this blog is simply a sign of the times.

Driving at night has always been one of my favorite things. Going fast, the darkness accentuates the blur of speed. Trees, buildings, fields blend together in a moving yet shapeless darkness. The isolation of the car works in tandem with the darkness to provide a perfect sensation of reflection. Something I read long ago and don't remember where stuck with me. I believe it was something the French philosopher/public intellectual Simone de Beauvoir wrote in Les Belles Images. I don't remember it exactly but it dealt with the car and how it whisks the person along at unnatural speeds that makes it exhilarating and yet extremely isolating. Normally, I view this as a negative thing (especially in terms of the social havoc it has wreaked upon our society when we spend most our time isolated in the car. But driving fast on a dark night listening to loud music (another form of isolation) is such a great experience and perhaps the root of my love for cars and driving.

Anyway, at this particular juncture I have much reason to be in an agitated state. While I haven't found myself particularly torn up about leaving my family, friends and country, I have noticed a peculiar funk. A hazy mood has perhaps kept me from the tumultuous roaring emotions about my departure. Regardless, driving last night even in a car full of people I could travel away to some other place (as indescript as the surrounding darkness). Am I ready to leave, probably not. Am I leaving? Yes. If only I could do so quickly and at night, with the music blaring and the wind on my face.