Trash

It's been a little while. But you must be patient because life is slowing down. And when it slows down you have to be patient. (i'm trying to speed it up by listening to techno/club/brain frying music whilst blogging)

I'm on my mother's computer. I have scheduled a Mac fix it guy to come to our house and murder us, that, or fix my computer. I'm very excited. I believe in cyborgs and the identity issues surrounding them. (see further reading "Cyborg Manifesto by Donna Haraway). My cell phone has only a car charger (dependence on dependence). And so, I feel that one contraption is stealing another from me. My cell phone not being so much a contraption as very much a part of me. (it doesn't bother me that thousand others have the same phone (we all have eyes don't we?)) And with my computer on the fritz, I don't feel quite whole.

It's sunny today. Let's keep that in mind.

Ok, I like pop music. It may be shitty, yes. But I like it. And this crap club techno stuff. Hmm. I like it too. Sometimes. Like right now. But that's because I spent Friday night in a club. A sweaty, sketchy, modern day Bacchus. And I have such adoration for Dionysus and the bacchan tradition, as we all know, that my helpless affinity for 'clubbing' as one might call it, can be understood and found endearing. Yes. it's endearing. I need to start bringing a change of clothes to clubs. I'm that gross and also, unashamed (to all of you who might be experiencing a swelling of revulsion as you read this).

Moving on. I started 3 books yesterday. Mainly because the first two didn't quite catch my mood. Murakami, well, seemed Murakami but without the brilliance of Norwegian Wood. And Joyce, well, hmm. I would need more patience. So I finally settled on Nabokov. Both Joyce and Nabokov seem a bit similar to me. And the stretches, leaps or innovations on style (they're both proclaimed as great stylists (not of hair)), provoked my thought to wander to literature in general and what was going on in their time period and comparing it with now. This happens often with me and rarely ends well. The question I sort of landed on again was this: Is the world too big for literature? which really is a host of others questions...what sort of audience could you address? What is an audience anymore? blah blah, this will get boring. So I'm cutting it off.

Ok I wrote the above a few days ago. I gave up because it was going nowhere and well, I just don't feel like posting insubstantial shit (just don't tell me that's what this blog consists of).

I really don't have anything new to report. But, I'm back on my own computer! Which, is really a huge plus. I love my computer, lovvvvve it. I'm also enjoying Nabokov and it's also sunny again today. AND!

I did an ab routine and went for a run today. Two things I haven't done in a long while. And boy did it feel awful. I could feel my fat jiggle on my stomach while i was running. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to never let that happen again. It was simply awful. Awful.

So that and what? Still no updates on my life. I'm still unemployed with no notions of a job. Still, stuck in some malaise of thinking/reading. Nothing inspirational, nothing blah. Just nothing. Which is fine I suppose. But boring.

I'm getting the itch to travel again (which people told me might happen). I really want to go to France. One of the places I was considering instead of New Zealand. Especially now that we're coming into summer. The sad part is, that I'm pretty much completely out of money. *THIS! is why people get jobs* I get it. But, yeah, I'm trying to keep those feelings from getting out of control, because I feel like its a trick. As soon as I leave, I'll miss home just like I was at the end of my travels.

sorry, another interruption, I had to have an impromptu dance party with Lilly. She likes The Way You Make Me Feel by Michael Jackson, but she's not really impressed by anything else. So we're currently dancing to Shrek's Dance Party, which so far, is simply Disco Songs being performed by the voices of the Shrek Characters...

I'm planning a visit to Whidbey this weekend. It should gimme something to write about, considering the simple thought of the place excites me so much. I get obsessed. There's something definitely strange about being there. How much it affects me. I don't know if it's because its the only house we (as a family) own that I remember from childhood. I lived with my mother all while growing up and she moved back to the Northwest after I left Iowa. So my 'childhood' home is gone in Iowa. And since we didn't move back into the same house we left 13+ years ago when she came back, I don't have a home here I remember either. My grandparents moved to a new home and I never spent any time at my aunts and uncles. They've all moved too though. So my only 'home' home is this Whidbey house. And I guess a lot of emotional baggage gets dumped on it. But in a good way. I'm so excited to go there. It'll be grand. And being there with people I enjoy pretty much maxes out Sean's happy factor. So, whoo hoo! Right?

Ok, I'll leave it at that. There's enough garbage on here as it is...