Clear!

the trees began misting. and i rolled my eyes at them. and gave them a brooding skeptical look. seriously? For some reason they seemed to be at fault. responsible for this rainy mist that just picked up. Unnecessary I thought. I was driving. Here, alone, again. In the dark, but this time home.

My heart on a downbeat. That awkward, subtle sort of off feeling. A downbeat. Nothing's really wrong but nothing's really right either. And so, I was driving home before 11 in the mist. I was a prolific dreamer last night. But of course, in the way that dreams are they looked back at me this morning, with that face, that "what the hell are you talking about?" face. But I can at least tell you, there were some big ticket players present. Some major leitmotifs making themselves known, iterating themselves in yet another set of indefinite patterns and manifestations. What was to come next. prescient dreaming.

I arose this morning and decided to invest the energy to make this morning special for my sister. She was awakening to a parent-less house. A house ruled by her older brother and I decided as a lazy Saturday morning sometimes requires. that we make pancakes. I asked her, would you like me to make pancakes for you for breakfast Lil?

The only response I received was a curt, "A Waffle."

Gone was the motivation for making pancakes in order to make the day special for HER. I was now going to make pancakes simply for my own feeling of duty fulfillment. (I AM a good brother and I DO do fun things for her). Besides, we don't even own a waffle iron. So I simply told her that I was making pancakes for her. She watched the television and I made pancakes. Huge ones. And she seemed totally unmoved by the whole prospect. I even let her pour in the ingredients and crack the eggs. This was all to be expected I suppose. And, after fulfilling my duty I turned to tackle the drip coffee machine. I must confess, I haven't a clue as how to work one. I only know how to make coffee with a French Press, which arguably doesn't even require a brain. My Stepfather had told me that the machine was simple. Put in the filter. Pour the ground coffee in, pour the water in, flip the switch or push the button or whatever (i don't exactly recall the last bit). Well, the machine wouldn't do anything until I had placed the pot under the spout and when I did that. The damn thing just let the water run out (not drip) into the pot having only gathered a slight brown tinge from having run through the grounds for a partial second.

WhereTF is the french press I thought? And so I drank a cup of extremely weak and extremely watery coffee and I STILL do not know how to work a coffee machine. bugger it all.

I have firmly resolved to go for a run tomorrow. I have become oh so talented at skirting my own goals, finding some more convenient AND entertaining way to spend my time. Or to accomplish whatever Task I invariably try to intertwine with going for a run. Something I have to do by going for run, like say, for instance, the logistics of returning my aunt's car to her and then getting myself back home. Why, Sean, you sly old dog. Planning to drive it over to her house and run back is brilliant! But not wittier than you ARE! For, inviting your aunt out for coffee and then having her drop you off back home was SO SO clever ever rever. And so, another day passed sans exercise. I don't think I've ever moaned about something so incessantly and continued to do nothing about it. Especially when there is no WAY on earth anyone else could possibly do this for me.

Cmon, Life. I need those two cold silvery goo covered paddles to sock it to me in the chest. Let's go. Where is my job, my apt, my fitness and my unbelievably enviable social life? I'm waiting....(rather comatose).