No no no!

I don't want to be done. I just suck at discipline right now.

A good friend of mine made a comment the other day that stuck with me as another one of those "ah ha" moments of struggling with new found adulthood. I had been doing what I often do: ranting and complaining about things I just never really do anything about. The realization was that many of the issues of the past year that we've been struggling with, things we've felt to be personal crises are really just things that normally occur all the time. Which is perhaps relieving? but also really scary. How unprepared are we? I know that's all very vague but I didn't want to get to into it.

What I did want to write about was this scene that recently struck me. I had the opportunity to spend an extended weekend in Laguna Beach. And so I did.



The late winter sun threw long rays against the sky and the hills even though it remained high and proud in the sky. and I sat in my chair. The young eucalyptus outside the window tossed it's thin locks of leaves from one side to the other like a young woman behaving with planned carelessness. and I rocked in my chair. The edges of the window, trees, sky and my face blushed with a light pink. The sun slowly sank, inching it's way behind the house in front of me. The wind continued to blow it's cool breath on the warm hills. The air was dry. Winter in the south. I hugged my knees tighter. My face creased into a smile as the young eucalyptus with a flippant toss of it's highest branches began to shudder and shake with indignation. The Sun was slowly leaving her and the scene was turning dark. I sat in my chair. I caressed the tree with my water tinged eyes, I loved the tree. But calm didn't come to those beautiful branches. The light pink that had once graced our group now turned to a darker angrier red. i couldn't help but laugh at the poor eucalyptus' futility. The tantrum slowly ceased and became rhythmic dancing sobs. The thin long leaves brushing across large swaths of reddish purple sky. And before I knew it, my beautiful tree became nothing but a silent beautiful silhouette. And when I heard my name called, my attention broke and I got out of my chair.