Europeans

Uh. So, it's late and I'm tired but suppose I should blog. What about today. Sorry, this stuff really isn't funny and entertaining like perhaps some of my other entries.

People at Rongo's (the place I'm working for)

Luna--Dane, acts just like a Dane would as I'd guess since I've never met a Dane. Crazy, loud, out there and awesome. Faint hint of 8 year old boy with A.D.D. or something. Excited by life and on the go.

Johannes--German. Tall blonde guy. Deep voice with high short laugh. Reserved somewhat, or perhaps not so gregarious as the others.

Sarah--Northern Irish, so nice to hear an Irish accent again (weird huh?) it feels like home somehow. Very typical Irish look.

Marie--French, very French, from the Alps, loves eternal summers. Completely thrilled to be in New Zealand.

We all went to the beach which is amazing and close by to watch the sunset. It reminded me much of Michigan's Lake Superior coast. Sand dunes all along the beach with great dune-type grass and lots and lots of really fine, soft sand. Waves crash four or five different times before rolling up the flat beach. Mountains on either ends of the beach fade and blend into the waning evening sky. Awesome. The Europeans all sit down for a smoke. I refrain. The Dane remarks, oh, a healthy American, that's a surprise. It was funny to see all these Europeans sitting in a row. And between the 5 of us, representing USA, Ireland, Denmark, Germany and France. I felt cool. They think I'm weird. Because I laugh all the time at nothing. Seems pretty standard for this guy. "Crazy American" yes, that is my name. I also seem to work a lot harder than any of the others. I don't know this for sure, since they've been here weeks and it's my second day, but still.

Thanks to my mother and a horrendous childhood of ridiculous standards for household chores, the owner of our backpackers told me today that my vacuuming job was "the most meticulous" one he'd ever seen. hee. Johannes came up to me multiple times while I was cleaning to tell me, "You don't have to do that" or "Wow, you were born to vacuum, you do it the proper way" or other tangential comments. While I tried to not put much effort into it, I couldn't resist. I mean, if you're going to spend the time vacuuming, you might as well ACTUALLY clean the floor. Dammit. I already sound like my mother.

Also, I lied in my previous post. I am still no good at cooking. I somehow fucked up stir-fry veggies with rice. I overcooked the rice with too much water and undercooked the veggies. Undercooked veggies don't really matter but the liquidy overcooked rice sucked. Good grief. Better luck next time sport.

Chris and Emma left today for the hike. Not sure I have really any comment. Sad to see them go? Relieved? Something else in between? I really don't know. Too tired to care? Maybe. We'll see what develops. I think we had a good time together and I think it was time to part ways again, so perhaps there is little I feel needs to be said, either here or to myself.

I want to tackle a huge great mosaic project while I'm here. But I'm not sure I'm good enough to and I don't know where I'd find the materials or time or energy or inspiration. Although, I did start today with my new habit (hopefully) of getting up and writing at least a page in my "journal" before starting the day. This is to get in the habit of writing shit down. We'll see if it lasts, how quality it is and if ever it might be possible for me to stop writing newsy flat no story line blog posts and actually coalesce random notes into some sort of body of work. Although, everywhere I turn with my inspiration for writing, scholarly or otherwise, I'm just confronted with how little I know, how underprepared I am, how high my standards are from what I think I can achieve at this point. So ugh. But really, I would just like it to gather enough steam so that it could become a project. Like, it's not even in the 'work in progress' stage yet. But we'll see. First things first, I need some more sleep. I want to go running tomorrow as well. I am getting fat and it makes me upset and think about getting older. Which I'm not old yet and so I don't want to get fat. Erg. morrrrrtality. smile.

I like looking at the ocean, and its funny because. i know, that the ocean is this gigantic system of ecosystems and tons of wildlife, creation, dynamic, exciting and more than anything alive. And yet, all we see is this flat never-ending (strangely linear natural horizon) and boundless emptiness. So much emptiness. Where the most substantial sight is a white fluffy cloud. there one minute and gone the next. Sometimes I feel I could be sucked out over the surface of the water way way out and just dissolve without a trace. Sucked into nothingness. Aren't oceans weird? Well, they are. This land rises out randomly out of all this nothingness and then we live on it. That's weird. I am excited to go to the beach tomorrow alone. The beach is like deserted and lonesome and sort of windy and just really perfect. The water is also warm. It's not a beach full of hot people, which is ok, hopefully I'll get to those beaches later.

I guess that was my impression for the day. The ocean. Although I've had it growing, or at least there for a few days now. The West Coast of New Zealand, does it to me. I'm on my own again. That sort of just occurred to me. i am glad i think. and yet. I miss home. I am having more and more thoughts about this traveling thing being over. I think that's a good sign. It means I'll be ready to go home. Although, I have to be so careful about going home. I know it will be full of shit to figure out and things won't be fantastic magical. It'll be home, with all of home's problems. And when I think about that, I don't feel nearly as ready to go back. I deal with the problems of being alone and traveling much easier. i don't know what I want, but I know I want. How's that for philosophy. People always have some sort of reaction to my studies of philosophy and really can no longer explain myself. I have no idea what happened. I just sort of brain-farted on pretty much everything. kind of scary. Dave Eggers wrote an essay or maybe it was a whole book entitled "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius". That is what I want to write. But I need to know so much more I think. But sometimes I think maybe I don't. Sometimes I think that somehow the way I see things and respond to them already speaks to our day and age. That I've subconsciously already absorbed those things that I would identify as important to include somehow in an artistic creation. Perhaps it just comes naturally? I guess, I always have a hard time getting a good working draft of anything out. I want to go from blank page to masterpiece in one step and really, that's just not reasonable. but so? I want my brain to vomit out a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. for what purpose? Vanity perhaps, or to feel a true satisfaction that doesn't come necessarily from one's own overcoming of adversity. There's something to be said for that you know, there are a lot of things that are deeply satisfying that don't require your magnanimous effort at all. And, well, I like that kind of satisfaction.

i do want a traveling companion. I can admit that at least. but that's only because I don't have one. (i just got rid of two, sheesh) because I know if I had one, I'd probably be upset at them. Great. I know I've said it before, but I really like the title of this blog. I feel its true in a lot of ways. True? Hmm, I mean captures me a lot.

Oh, by the way, the host guy here, let me know that he's read a book written by a guy who goes over to Ireland and tries to build his own sustainable house. sigh. there goes my niche. Son of a bitch. is there place in this world for someone like me? hahahahaha. bleagh.

I am going to try to instigate a weekly read aloud. We have planned fun nights pretty much every other night here at the hostel. And well, I think one of the off nights each week we should change into a read aloud. Mainly, because I like reading aloud. And some people have told me they enjoy listening. So I think it'd be a fun deal. maybe we could all drink a lot of wine, then it wouldn't matter it'd be good either way. Ok well is that enough for tonight? it's late and I want to go to bed. My six pack is going away and I'm pissed about it. just so you all know i guess. and if you don't have a six pack, you need to work on your abs. I suggest starting with 10 exercises that you perform for 45 seconds each. Once you are not worthless, you can move up to a minute each. That is my healthy hint for the day.

Happy Epiphany you Catholics.