Ex-Pats

Good Weekend everyone.

so, brian and I are exhausted, seriously. The stretch of good weather has outlasted us. We have worked all day everyday for the past three days and we're about spent. We need a rest. We have been mixing tons of concrete by hand (not quick-crete) which is difficult and has led to my right hand being covered in cement. It has leaked into my pores, soaked up the water and cured. So my skin is dying. Great. Not to mention, it's extremely painful, like having your hand on fire. Washing, doesn't seem to do the trick. It was also a strange sensation of fatigue. Normally when I get tired, I feel tired, and my muscles ache or are sore or something. Well I felt completely fine yesterday but the cinder blocks we were building with seemed about 5 times as heavy. What the hell? They seriously went from like 20 pounds a block to 40 pounds a block (so I guess only 2 times as heavy). But still. Lifting 96 40 pound blocks over your head and then trying to mortar them while holding them in place is extremely draining. But we are ready to put up our new roof. And the weather is still holding out...

However, two friends of ours are in the country and so. a break is in order. hooray. We haven't seen many of our stray dog friends lately which is sad. There was a large article in the local paper about how a stray dog bit a local child. We are afraid, all our stray dog friends have been killed.

So yeah. I will have more to report come Monday. But for now, work work work. Things are coming along nicely. I post some pics of the work after this weekend. Enjoy.

America's Got Talent: Abroad

Hey People,

We went to the pub last night to see our friend play a little traditional Irish music, like we always do almost every Wednesday, but it turned into a late night staying up chatting with friends etc etc. Met a few gentlemen from the area who have been living in New York for a couple decades. It was nice to swap stories. But the night was a long one and we were awoken this morning early, as the truck delivered 96 cinder blocks that needed unloading into our driveway. That's one way to wake and not worry about how freakin freezing it is. Got the blood pumping anyway. And so, I'm quite tired at this point even after a morning coffee and pannini. We are looking at another gloriously clear day (are we the luckiest or what?) and another full full full day of work (someone's gotta do something with all those blocks!) We hope to finish up the walls today and get the wooden frame of the new roof up tomorrow. Thus leaving Saturday open to travel down to Dublin and visit our fellow ex-pats. Sweet. We also need to visit the visa people in the capital. Double fun. After that Brian's parents arrive and we'll be caught up in a flurry of activity, trying to pull this house together before the modern messiah arrives at the end of October. Score!

I've also procured the understanding of many of the people around here for leaving around Christmas and coming back in the summer to finish up. It's an extremely enticing plan. As my lips are starting to chap and my skin go quite dry, I'm dreaming of the lush Los Angeles area. Sigh. Brian and I also took showers in the yard last night at about 10 30pm. We are seeing how late into the year we can take outside showers, we're nearing our end I believe because, it was really flippin cold. like really. wow. cold water, cold air, cold everything. But the full moon last night was great. Star gazing out on our land, is oh, let's say, probably almost the best anywhere. We are pretty far north it turns out...

We got to show An Inconvenient Truth to one of our friends here and it was great to watch that movie again. It just dawned on me watching, why it was so cloudy/windy here and why the weather seemed to move so quickly. Turns out that big ocean conveyor turbine in the North Atlantic is RIGHT off our coast, and since that's where all the evaporation that provides Europe with precipitation and moisture occurs, it would make sense...right? But by the time it hits Scandinavia it's frozen into snow...learning things all the time.

Let's see...anything new? Tired. yeah tired, but happy. So much to do, so much to do always, but so so so appreciative of the weather being clear. It's somewhat of a double edged sword, because clear weather equals much colder weather, whereas overcast keeps some of the heat in but also means rain more often, so it's warmer and wet or drier and cold. I'll take drier and cold. Cannot wait, for this house to get further along, we are actually at the point where we can legitimately start looking for bits and pieces of furniture. Awesome, goodbye air mattress and sleeping bag, using sweatshirts as a pillow! Hello, blankets and sheets and pillows and, gasp, mattress! Well not yet...

I think our relations with the town are beginning now, to turn more intimate at an exponential rate. I think the longer we stay in the cold, the more respect and esteem we're accruing. We are truly making friends here that we'll keep in contact with forever, and god are we begging them to visit us when we're in LA. I actually had a dream the other night that I had a ridiculous awesome beachfront pad in either Santa Monica, Malibu area and had a lot of my friends from over here out, and had them picked up from LAX in a limo and the works...sometimes I think shows like Entourage, and celebrity gossip, and all that fascination with gaudy displays of wealth is really detrimental and distracting. I'm sure I wouldn't be dreaming of all that crap, if it wasn't so forefront in the list of desired things. Well whatever, I had a great dream getting to show my friends here all around the things I love about LA. I also am desperately trying to align the stars in my favor of producing a place in the Tahoe area...dang. So many many things, it makes me recall that wonderful Boston ditty, "I understand about indecision..." you know the one. We need a gigantic stereo. and the power to run it. It's tough to rock out to our little radio. But believe me, Brian and I give it our best shot. I must admit I would've been more than a little embarrassed had anyone come calling on us at around 9pm last night...as they approached the house they would've heard coming out of the kitchen, two horribly off-key belted out renditions of Jesus Christ Superstar etc. By the way, Brian has an uncanny Sebastian voice (a la the Little Mermaid) It sounds more Sebastian than Sebastian, you know the CRAB (not lobster, Ruchi, or Audrey, or whomever that was...). It takes all of my independent energy to resist Brian's crooning, "Kiss the Girl". We're going a bit mad, but then again. I like it that way. Between JCS, Disney, and Total Eclipse of the Heart on repeat, we make quite the sight. And don't forget our favorite, Take My Breathe Away by Berlin, off the Top Gun soundtrack (best soundtrack ever).

Anyway, this has devolved into a lot of silliness. To sober this post up, have you all been keeping track of the escalating tension in Burma? Two monks and a civilian were killed by the military junta yesterday I believe. This is a pretty big deal. But although many of our Political Leaders may make feel good statements about how the age of crimes against humanity will not longer be overlooked, rest assured that there isn't an ounce of truth in it. There are plenty of places not the same, but similar to Burma all over that we happen to not pay attention to at all. So Gordon Brown, save it, and Condoleeza, come on.

On a similar note (because the problems are connected, even if they seem unrelated), it was pretty comical me, slightly intoxicated trying to explain to these Irish New Yorkers why the automobile was going to disappear...ah well. If you haven't heard me rant about this already, it's probably best saved for a better time. To spare all those who already know, or have already heard.

PS. People from Chicago, how do you feel about the plans for the Chicago Spire? Seems ridiculous to me, especially when there are much better plans being developed in places like New York, Taiwan, and I think one other major city, I can't remember (no I'm not confusing Taiwan with a city), where the skyscrapers are going to be self-sufficient as far as energy and water consumption goes and will actually provide their city grids with additional energy, etc etc... I mean, 1193 apt building 2000-ft high? Does Chicago really need this? Richard Daly is backing it up eagerly as well...your thoughts?

Please forgive these news bouts, it makes me feel connected, since most of the US News escapes us entirely here, we're too busy caught up in the drama of Missing Maddy, what the soap opera stars are doing next, and how somebody tackled somebody else too hard in rugby...

My Deepest Apologies

I am so so so sorry for not having written in so long. In was a deadly combination of being ridiculously productive and crippling depressed unproductive. Needless to say, it's been an up and down past, what? 5 days? Friday to Wednesday...I don't feel like counting. Hahha.

Let's begin with my last post. well, really, on Saturday, the day after my last post. Well, we went out Friday night with some friends and had a good release. It was fun to go out with somebody in addition to Brian. Since Brian and I have been living quite closely for oh say, 2 plus months now when we go out, we ,ah , don't have much to talk about. We normally just order a pint, and sit quietly drinking them looking around at shit. Kind of pathetic. So it was nice to go out with people. But that left the glorious Saturday to be enjoyed semi-hungover and taking it easy. Oh, well you need a break sometimes right?

Then Sunday it was miraculously clear. We stayed in Saturday night, opting not to go out. We actually ended up going to bed rather early. Waking up lazily on Sunday to another clear day seemed like we had been blessed. But did we take advantage? No. We enjoyed the day again, and by enjoyed, I mean didn't do anything, not like we actually felt very positive. Although I again made the observation how intimately our emotions are linked to weather. No wonder humans create artificial weather environments indoor, like warm and dry all the time. It allows us to distance our emotional mood from what the weather is doing. You decide whether this is a healthy thing or not. Here, it seems like a healthy thing, since the weather is subconciously telling you to kill yourself. Kidding, but seriously.

We woke Monday morning to rain. Great, we wasted a clear weekend. We were quite pissy and seemed to be at each other's throats. Brian went into town for breakfast without me (good call) and I just played with the fire. Rain. Damn it. And after such a nice weekend of nothing. We decided, in the immortal words of the Dude (cover your ears), "Fuck it" So we hopped the bus to Derry (in Northern Ireland) and decided to skip town a bit. We walked aimlessly around Derry (a pretty cool small city with some crazy history) I forgot my camera (oops, I guess) and once it was more than apparent that this change in scenery was not helping our moods, we jumped on the bus headed back. It was clear and sunny the whole bus ride back. Fuck. Then it started raining when we got off the bus. Damn. I seriously considered checking into the local hostel for the night, I was really upset. Brian didn't seem to be fairing much better, but refused to consider paying for a hostel. So we spent the night in separate rooms. But before we went to bed, we took a clear look at what was going on....

We came to the conclusion that we were in such horrible horrendous, god awful moods because we hadn't done shit. So we vowed, rain or shine, that Tuesday, we would get some stuff done. Well, the gods heard our catty comments of the last four days and opened the heavens to us on Tuesday, it was clear, and bright, and freezing cold, and wonderful the WHOLE day. AND! We actually worked from about 12 30 to 8pm that night. We got a CRAP-ton done. AND! Our moods are about a gazillion times better. We were right. It was the fact that we hadn't accomplished anything that made us unbelievably moody.

We built a wall. Score! We cemented and sealed the roof we have up and the tops of the walls, thus rendering our little room WAY more airtight and less prone to drafts and much much warmer. Thank the heavens. And this morning, we got up way early. Are about an hour ahead of schedule with our in town errands and it's gloriously clear again. We are cruising. The house goes up in no-time when we actually get work done. And we're actually jovial with each other again. What a great sign. So all is well in Eire at the moment.

A nice image for all of you skeptics, heck not even skeptics, but fellow humans who know me. Get a load of this. I don't think anyone, (not even me) could believe the stage I'm at right now. Yesterday, Sean McCarron, yeah, that guy you know, actually, got down with a small toilet brush and scrubbed caked manure off a brick wall, with flecks of it flying everywhere, including all over his face (without a complaint!) and then! proceeded to mix concrete (by hand, mind you) and mortared cinder blocks together to fortify one wall. I'd just like to say, never in my life, did I expect to be on my hands and knees, scrubbing furiously with a tiny brush at a cinder block wall, trying to get manure off and not batting an eye as it flies all over me. Prisoner? nope, Soldier? nope, just one of those guys. (Can you tell I'm proud of myself?)

So Today is wednesday and I need to go get going on another full day's worth of work. Lots more cementing to do. Hopefully, by the time we have some guests, we'll have an airtight, bedroom and kitchen/living room. Amazing. I think that was all I wanted to share. I've got the signal to wrap up here, so I'm panicking and can't remember what else if anything I needed to share...

I guess I'll have to save it for another time. Again, I'm so sorry I haven't written in a while. I know that once you check and there's nothing new you just sort of stop checking, but dont! It won't happen again, I promise. Ok. Great. Bye.

As Weeks Go By

Well, it's Friday again. And we have a weekend's worth of work to do. But perhaps we'll steal away to Dublin for the first time. Or maybe we'll save it for next weekend. there's just always more to do. Derry is in the cards for this evening...

I was frustrated yesterday at the fact that a) it was raining making it impossible for us to sand and varnish our new timber or even to move cinder blocks into their appropriate stations without sacrificing the days' work to dry it all. and b) at my growing belly. eating chunks of lard out of a can in 'Irish Stew' for some 70 odd cents every other night and doing nothing but ?isometric? (i'm no weightlifter) exercise has left my stomach, my back but regretfully not my shoulders or arms with extra weight. The Guinness I'll admit doesn't help either. and finally c) the fact that I've been more or less forced to give up running for the time being on any consistent or regular basis all led to a break down yesterday. Since we couldn't do any of the work we needed to do, I opted for a run. A long run. A run that I am no longer quite in shape for.

Out of stubborness I ran to Clonmany. and then back. Rounding out the 2 hours and 10 minutes into a 20 some mile run. Take that chunks of lard. I am willing to make a lot of concessions for this enterprise, the detioration of my body beyond quick repair is not one of them. Too stringent? I think not. I'll take calluses, cuts, sore arms and shoulders, pale and weather worn skin (not kindly though, grr) but I need my running body. And while we're on the topic, many people said before I left that coming to Ireland and spending time here would be "much better for my skin" as opposed to living in the loveliness of California I'm guessing. Well I'm here to say, that not only am I sacrificing the beauty of my skin, I'm also sacrificing it's health. It's either UV damage from California, or wind torn, frozen, dry, callused skin. Well, I'll take UV then please.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to visitors, and it sneaks closer and closer. The time here actually does fly. Gots to go now, gettin the boot. Bye.

Kerouac inspired ruminations on a clear evening. Future book material.

Drawing my feet covered in days’ old wool socks up under the thick wool blanket, I let myself relax as I begin to thaw. Frowning slightly with the reminder that my gaunt frame is now filling out uncomfortably. I certainly don’t like this ‘construction biz’. The circulation in my hands is bad and they take longer and longer to warm up. I decide to place them dangerously close to the black stove that carries within it’s belly a dull rumbling beast angry at having been shut in to such a small prison. The light is fading quickly and looking up through the small skylight speckled with drops, I see the tops of the trees outside our small sanctuary, bare branches conversing with each other in quick staccatos while their brethren with browning leaves shake their heads sadly at each other. Winter is coming and this warm stone box is our refuge against the cold, but not yet against the dark. The artificial whiteness of the screen, the sole beacon of another world. How long has it been? Trading one ocean for another.

I’m lazily reclined but trying to be careful not to let my limp hand flirt too closely with the dark beast rumbling inches away. Tired of reading and annoyed at the shadow my head throws over the pages, I decide to put down Kerouac. Frustrated in that familiar way as with a friend who just never seems to learn, I decide to dream instead. Kerouac, Wilde, Haruki, James, Garcias. A rank I’d gladly join. For now, I’ll have to settle for whisps of greatness I pull from the depths of remembered dreams. And then flip open the dark lid, wait for it’s artificial white to stab my eyes and begin feebly to write my own greatness until I get sick of mediocrity and slam the screen in anticipated disappointment. The romanticism of the jasmine tea, growing cold and I begin to gulp instead of sip. No longer enchanted by the scent of fine literature.

Drawing back my hand from the stove and curling it like a small cat into the tuck of my elbow and laying my head down I can smell the peat on my fingers. I remind myself to cut my nails, it’s been weeks now and the tattooed look of dirt under the opaque crescents makes me smile at my own shuddering. And whom are you trying to keep them clean for? I ask myself aloud. Certainly not Brian. For me, I tell myself and remind myself not to forget to cut my nails. Which reminds me. I need to shave too. Ah, but I’m warm. Do I really need anything? I could keep my own company here (as long as I get the company of the stove). Taking the small pot off the stove top and refilling my mug lends some romanticism back to the evening. I pause to gaze at the yellow primrose on the side of this ancient mug. Looking like it’s first bloom under that glazy surface I wonder who sipped out of this mug last. It’s been 12 years at least. It was one of those relics dug out of the squalor and salvaged more out of practicality than it’s quaint existence, but now, on this clear evening, its aesthetic aura wafts out mingling with the scents of peat and jasmine in the heat of the stove’s arms. Perfectly romantic, did I need anything more? I can’t remember. It’s so warm.

Letting myself get tucked into my lounge chair by some crooner, the muffled cackles of the fire seem to sing along, or was that just Brian muttering under his breath? The twilight having ushered in the evening, silently dismissed itself with a low bow and stars showered the dark sky with silent applause. The clouds drifting like lumbering sentinels veiling the fathomless sky in mystery. But as my watch chimes 10, an excitement stirs. Dismayed at my own excitement and the impending end to this clear evening, I begrudgingly reach for my sliver of light: a glaring head lamp. Spraying its offensive light I allow my excitement to grow. Dinny will be playing the fiddle tonight. I musn’t be too late. I’ll have to force this evening down and bury it under several layers of clothes. Heading out the drive at a quick pace. Brian ambling behind.

Monday's Mainly

Monday September 17, 2007 Depression has finally begun to set in. I had been wondering how it so happened that I was taking most of this whole ordeal in such strides. But this depression seems quite normal, a familiar friend. It hasn’t quite hit the apogee but as the weather has definitely turned toward cold, my spirits have drooped. It’s been unbelievably windy the past two days to the point where I can’t sleep. The tarp rigged over the section of roof the tent is currently under slams its rock weights against the tin roof and the rain on the tarp is worse than on tin. On tarp, the rain is pestering, on tin it’s romantic. The room also doesn’t have a door and has two windows making the draughts and circulation through the room and tent incredibly powerful. This is a positive in low winds because it keeps the tent from becoming musty and spiders from making our home theirs. But in these high winds the tent shakes all night long and keeps the nights quite cold. I haven’t slept the past two nights and with fatigue comes depression. Especially, when it seems inescapable. The only way to get good sleep is do a lot of work, but I’m tired from not sleeping. Damn. I also have grown weary from the intense roller coaster I have been riding in regards to this project. One minute I’m filled with the grandest hopes for an amazing palace just within reach and the next I’m filled with such despair and wandering loneliness, physically battling the thought, “What am I doing here? Out of my vision. It’s taking its toll. What keeps us going is the promises we make each other about how much better off we’ll be when we complete this next project, or saying things like “if we could only get this up and running…” which thinking about it…it certainly is a lifesaver in our current position. But isn’t that mode of thought dangerous? When will we know when to call it quits? Isn’t that a thought process that traps millions of people, wishing to themselves, if only I had a new car, if only I won the lottery, things would be better. I was reflecting a bit on material comfort and it’s affect on my psychology the other day. Yesterday, perhaps it was, my first day of what I’d call depressive mood as opposed to Sean’s just normal “bad” mood. This is what I think. Material comforts make your mode and place of life easier to deal with when you’re unhappy with it. But seem to fall off the main radar or become inconsequential when you’re happy with your mode of life or place of life. I certainly wouldn’t struggle with the purpose of this project, the costs in my time and energy and sacrifice of other options, not to mention money, would decrease in priority, and my outlook would hardly ever dip into truly negative, if I was surrounded by material comfort here, while undertaking this project. But without them, I wonder if I’m happy doing what I’m doing… The only reason it isn’t clear is the tremendous amounts of joy I get when I feel close to my goal. Without those little intervals of happiness, I’d be looking up flights home. It’s gotten bad enough here where I’ve actually looked fondly upon the idea of getting a job. Yeah. That bad. It never feels good when something as ominous as Winter is chasing you. And I’m too tired to start running.

**** Now this is this morning's entry ****

Wednesday September 19, 2007

Last night was mercifully warmer and quieter. Less wind and warmer temperatures allowed this guy to actually get a full night of sleep in. Perfect. We are expected the second quarter of the roof’s supplies to arrive today. We need to sand and varnish the timber and rip off the old roof before we can start construction. We hope to put up this roof a little quicker than the last one considering we now have an idea of what we’re doing. Although, we’re still a ways away from getting a comfortable set up here. The water and electrical systems always loom over us with their importance and with their complication. We both want to tackle this problem as soon as possible and don’t want to tackle it at all. I think we are planning to take a trip down to Dublin this coming weekend to settle our visa status but perhaps I’ll also be able to sneak into a 5k in the area before leaving…we’ll see . I’m horribly out of shape.

It’s sunny this morning and we are going to head into town early and blog etc before our materials are delivered so we’re still running about a day behind on the blog ok? I’ll write about Wednesday and Thursday tomorrow evening or something.

I can’t believe how anxious I am to finish these projects and have a place that is warm, dry and secure to live. And at the same time, so opposed to doing work. Actually I’m not that opposed but I never feel like working even though I’m so anxious to. It’s a strange feeling.

We helped a friend of ours who’s a bartender help move some kegs of stale beer yesterday. Although, the beer was stale, it reminded both Brian and I of the good ol’ days. Haven’t moved a keg in a while. Single Tear. I’m going to try to write more letters as in snail mail. I’ve worked out a pretty good system here finally, so please send me your address if you’d like to receive some mail. And it doesn’t matter who you are, don’t feel bad about asking, no. there are not other more important people I need to spend my time on. I have lot’s of time. When the sun sets (which is creeping up earlier and earlier in the day) These guys have nothing to do beside write letters and read books. I’m working on getting a typewriter because let’s be honest, a notepad is the worst stationary ever. I can barely write letters on our current paper, it’s just so ugly. However, typewriters have an unbelievable aesthetic look. So, yeah. Look forward to a typewriter letter if I get your address. Punks.

Hahah, I just realized I’ll be posting this right after my Monday entry and it will be a perfect juxtaposition of my bi=polar mood. This is the difference between 4 hours of sleep and 9 hours of sleep. And well, other things as well.

We have been looking into stereo’s here (totally not seriously but kinda). We simply need some bumpin’ tunes. I mean, computer speakers and radio are only so much. I want to feel my chest quiver with bass and not the eurotechno stuff that seems to be all the rage here. Anyyyyway. We gots to go. Hope everyone has a pleasant hump day. Yep, that’s right, it’s hump day. (You know, Wednesday)

Cold

It's gotten quite cold here recently. But we are looking forward to a slew of visitors. We can't wait. I had a long blog entry for yesterday but I forgot it at the house, so you all will continue to have to wait. I don't have too much to report today mainly because, not much has happened. Well, it sort of has but I haven't the time to recall it all here today. I have begun to read several more books including Kerouac (thanks), more Wilde (I suggest the Ballad of Reading Gaol), and Henry James' The Golden Bowl. At some point when I feel up for it, I'll start Goethe. It's gotten to the point where it was cold enough that our stove made little difference. We have GOT to get the walls sealed up. The draughts are killing us, literally. We also are sort of starting to consider jobs, but since a work visa requires a one year contract, there are limitations on that certainly. Ugh.

Yesterday's blog entry is going to be sort of a downer which I have sort of recovered from but I can tell it's hiding behind some flimsy curtain or something. Ready to make itself quite present at the drop of a hat. You don't know really what I'm talking about until I post that but oh well. Visitors will be wonderful.

I read a book a friend gave me entitled Dove about a sixteen year old boy who sails a 24 foot sloop around the world by himself. He got a shit-ton of help though and it took him 5 years because he would stop at length on lovely tropical islands. Hmmm, although most of the book inspired me and made me feel good about my experiences, I certainly felt like less of a badass. What the hell. And reading about his homecoming certainly made me long for the end of my adventure. Brian and I are trying to give ourselves credit. We are beginning our first winter outside of Southern California in 4 years and in addition, we haven't easy access to a hot shower, a warm bed, a car, or pretty much anything else that would help you through the winter. I also in shocking fashion, left any resemblance of a decent jacket at home. I brought my large ski jacket (a bit overkill at this point) and a rainshell. And my hooded sweatshirts are beginning to fail. The wind cuts right through them. Ah damn. I broke out a knit cap for the first time being here. Oh winter.

We took a short trip to Derry, Northern Ireland, the other day thanks to a friend who had some errands to do at the shopping center (that's all of Derry we saw). Derry is a larger city comparatively for the area and it was nice to be in somewhat of a city setting again. Oh how I miss it! Even the shopping mall felt refreshing. Scary. But also, I had the curious experience of walking through a warm shopping mall and approaching the door. Feeling it get colder and colder as I approached the door was a feeling I hadn't felt in a while and was in no way comfortable with. I hate the cold. Absolutely. Some may say it's refreshing, or makes you feel alive or some other romantic crap. It is only those things when it surprises you mid-week in 75 degree sunshiny weather. There is nothing heroic about fighting the weather. Finding natural shade in warm climates makes sense. Fighting the cold doesn't. My sleeping bag was freezing last night. I had to close off the opening and pull myself all the way inside. That meant I could fall asleep for the time it took the inside of the sleeping bag to fill with Carbon Dioxide, I'd then wake up short of breath, open the sleeping bag for 1-2 minutes to switch out the air and then close it up again and fall asleep for another 15 minutes. Sigh. At least the wind died down and we had secured the tarp so it wouldn't slap against the roof.

That's all for now, I'll write more later.

Genuinely Surprised.

wow. 7 comments and most of them positive. i am really happy with the response to this last post and the discussion it has already spurred.

In response to the Googlers. I am fond of Google (I'm using their mail service, their analytics service, their blog service and their search engine). Its not so much that I question, well I do question, but it's not so much that I'm suspicious of Google's motives, direction, etc. In fact, I do agree that they have been one of the most responsible corporations today which is incredibly relieving and nice to see. The issue that makes me nervous (not even that I'm necessarily against it) is the fact that the information is compiled at all. Because once Google creates a fantastic catalogued information network, it then is something that can be abused, taken from Google, manipulated. Google no doubt is creating it responsibly (as far as we know) And doing so legally in America and taking the proper precautions to protect it's creation. However, its the basic nervousness that you could get (following Crosby's bank analogy) by giving your money to someone else to keep (what if the bank gets robbed?) see. Now then you've lost your money and it wasn't the bank's fault really at all, they had a laser guarded safe! But thankfully, we have a system in place (FDIC) that will repay me my lost money (or at least some of it).

Now it may be possible to set up a similar system in the Google case. But I can't quite get reimbursed for my DNA or personal information. Perhaps a change in Social Security, bank, etc etc but as for my profile? Can I really become another person, if my personality is robbed? And what would something like that say for our relationship to who we are? And when you postulate on how we would deal with these or other problems that come up necessarily with creating something new and amazing like Google is, we can start to see dangerous possibilities. Because then we see how interconnected each different sector is by our basic framing mindset. The way we view things affects how we deal with ALL types of problems. Because if we then dissociate our 'personalities' by having profiles, how would that fit into that new slew of drugs we now have provided?

Certainly, my guessing at how to insure the information Google indexes is probably nowhere near a good way or whatnot, or what I think may actually happen. But that's not the point, the point is HOW we go about problem solving and what we consider a good solution. Things like the Patriot Act don't help either.

Will we the people actually vote to allow (or maybe force) Google to surrender its user information to the government or some other authority to preserve our 'security' or lifestyle or SUV or because we've been inundated with unbalanced media? Those type worries crop up simply with the creation of Google's network, not specifically the motives behind creating it, or the conduction of the company itself.

Gosh, I'm so glad you all responded. This stuff is great to think about. And yes mom, thanks for the socks and skittles. lifesavers truly.

Raj, I had read perhaps the same or a similar article discussing that very problem. When we start talking about medicine, drugs, health, DNA, basically all of the hot topics in Health Science these days they all bring with them a gigantic trunk of ethical baggage. It makes me a bit nervous that we continue to make available to the public these innovations before we as a society have taken the time, or agreed, or at least comprised on an ethical interpretation of their application. I think it's getting to the point where the technology affects things that are too important to "just see how it goes". Which I feel is the prevailing ethical attitude. It's part of what I tried to address in my thesis. A moral/ethical vacuum exists today. We just don't really know how to act or think. Perhaps this vacuum has a link to a rise in fundamentalism. It probably does somehow. The one shining light that guides behavior today is the accumulation of wealth. Which is nauseating, not to mention wreaking havoc on our Earth and global populations.

Well I'm outta time. So that's all ya get. But please keep it coming. I love this shit.

An Audacious Evening

So we pulled landscaping duty yesterday and tried to finish off our trench system which is nearly complete and we finished clearing the next far end small future spare bedroom for roof work. We hope to start and if all goes well perhaps have a new roof on it by the end of next week. We’ll see. We are raising the walls a bit so Brian and I will get to practice stone masonry (another skill I lack). Currently this room’s doorway/wall height is about the size of a hobbit and the roofline is about 2 feet below the rest of the house’s roofline so we’re going to raise it. No brainer.

I got fantastic news yesterday that I am getting an amazing visit from one Californian I particularly admire which pretty much, makes my life right now. I only have to wait 2 months. Boy oh boy I am not sure I can.

Brian called the Justice Department after talking with the Garda station regarding visas and our status in the country. It is unbelievable how uncooperative both institutions were. Brian was pulling teeth just to get out of the Garda officer that it was impossible to stay 3 months (our passports have already been stamped for 3 months). Then when talking with the Justice Department we were told that we either had to have student visas or work visas but that there was no way to extend a tourist visa (our current visa). Brian and I have a sneaking suspicion (several months worth of contrary evidentiary research) that what they are telling us is a) false b) not the whole story or c) a fantastical creation of their own ennui-filled minds. So great, we’re going to have to fight the country on a technicality of their own law? Ugh. We’ll see what happens.

I had a great chat yesterday with a friend about how both our lives are about 120% different from just a few months ago and that somehow it hasn’t rocked our boats as much as we would expect. I’m suspicious of my cool calm demeanor…especially when you consider the fact that neither of us are anywhere near qualified to be doing what our lives now demand of us. And yet, no worries. Hmmmm….

Ok and before I get into the story that gave the title of this post and really probably the title of our endeavor/house. Audacity. I will go on a short maybe rant. My mother sent me a few magazines purportedly “to remind us of why we left the US”. Well on opening the box to find Maxim magazine Brian and I thought, well this is a dirty trick. Sending us a magazine like Maxim to two guys living by themselves for weeks and weeks reminding us of all the beautiful women we left behind in the States was anything but helpful. But because I actually do enjoy the writing in Maxim (I get it for the articles!) I read the magazine. Normally, it’s bitingly sarcastic style is pleasing to me and although it’s a mass audience mainstream magazine for mainly I’d say “douche” guys it has enough tiny liberal concessions to make it tolerable for me. Anyway, all of this is somewhat beside the point. The rant starts on an article entitled “No More Education”, now mind you, I am completely aware that I am a whiny liberal academic, now responding to a stupid article in a mainstream men’s magazine on a …wait for it…blog. But, hey, they’re printing a half-baked article in a magazine…the medium doesn’t have that much more integrity I’d say. The only reason I feel I need to address it is not because I can’t take a joke poking fun at my own existence (certainly not) but that it subtly reinforces a value system that I find disastrous for our country. I mean, Brian and I were sort of talking about this while I was reading the article and he was reading Korten’s “When Corporations Rule the World” (and don’t give me that you’re a sensationalist bullshit, it’s not a fucking conspiracy, it’s there in publicly available records and statistics done by the very people in power, companies and government etc, it’s not liberal propaganda, try to see past the indoctrinating marketing budgets of multi-billion dollar companies. Damn) That was a side rant. But the first side point of this tangent was that Brian and I were talking and we think America/Americans need a huge wake up call (in more ways than one) but living abroad sorta as an American I believe it is more than obvious that there is a general consensus of looking down and ?pitying? America more than idolizing. We have fallen people, America is not that great nation it was of yesteryear, let’s do something about it, please? And it doesn’t involve tightening moral commandments, as a hint. (but it’s also strange because American culture is still being emulated. It’s complicated and nowhere near healthy if you ask me).

Alright but the main rant was in regards to this article. To give you an idea of the tone and direction of this article I will briefly quote the introductory paragraph, this comes from Maxim’s September 2007 issue and the article can be found on page 95.

“You know who you are. You’re the twenty- and thirty- somethings who refuse to grow up and get a job. You’re the research assistants, TAs, philosophy master’s candidates, and other lifelong academics who hide behind syllabi and term papers, hoping real life won’t notice you. You’re the aged book-slinging zombies mindlessly shuffling through the ivy-strewn graveyards of your glory days. To all you professional Peter Pans out there: We’re calling your bullshit. You’re officially on notice.”

Ok that’s pretty fun, Brian and I had a good chuckle over the accuracy of such a statement. And yes, we know who we are. The problem with the article however, is that there are two main points made after this rant. The first being that the only quoted “professional” they use to support their point is a writer (hah.) who helps people deal with debt. In this sense, the argument unfolds mainly on financial grounds. Getting a master’s or PhD doesn’t give you much return on investment. This argument, is sometimes untrue (in the case of many programs funding the student to get their advanced degree, so you actually aren’t paying for and it gives you the income increase anyway) and reinforces the desired object/value as monetary wealth. Why pursue something in life that won’t make you any money? Wow. Missing the point, of life I’d say. But tacked on to the end of this argument is a dig claiming that staying in academia is equivalent to “treading water in a pool of perpetual adolescence” and “avoiding adulthood”. As if there was no growth in an individual outside of financial growth, or movement up a corporate ladder. (and it hasn’t escaped me that the author of this article, ah, that’s right, probably has a liberal arts degree, say in journalism, media studies, communication, or god forbid ENGLISH!)

The second argument is worse. Starting with the paragraph header “Be a Man!” (I won’t go into gender issues with that one, I hope we can all recognize it as pigeon-holing individual existences into a cookie-cutter model being defined by, yes partly this douche men’s magazine. Great. Moving on. Within the second half of the article contains a small selection of argument. One says that we needn’t learn anything from professors because all we need to learn is contained in life’s little experiences (the example that is given is in essence a dead-end job that has left many Americans feeling empty and depressed, good on ya there) The second call is that everyone else has determined our life to have been wasted and that women aren’t impressed if you can quote Chaucer….I beg to differ. And finally, the last dig is that we are unemployable. Must I address this? Unemployable in which manner? In a high-paying job that will help us pay off our student debt? Maybe, but if your education was funded by the institution and you graduate with a terminal degree from a prestigious institution. I argue that we are anything but unemployable. In fact, since reading and writing are such rare skill sets in America today, I would say we should be in high demand. That is, if our priorities and values were not getting to the bottom of the toilet as quickly as possible. And that’s just the first article.

The second article was a future of medicine update. This is just one of those scary articles that makes me question what sort of idea of society we have guiding the collective mindset on research. The new drugs that we can expect within a 20 years time (some sooner than others) are:

1. Propranolol--originally to treat high blood pressure, now has been found to reduce the intensity of stressful memories in PTSD patients. "While the pill doesn't erase bad memories, it allows users to experience them with some numbness, almost as a bystander." This seems like a horrible solution. PTSD (this is my personal opinion) I feel is one of those a) over diagnosed 'disorders' or b) a modern system of an exacerbating lifestyle. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, as a disorder (as opposed to a disease) necessarily has a higher degree of subjectivity, I think, to it. Prescribing a drug that numbs you emotionally doesn't seem to be the right solution for this day and age, where that is exactly the 'symptom' of our modern malaise. Yeah, right, like we need help feeling more alienated from our own lives. What kind of society is this leading to? A better one where people aren't stressed? That's the positive light, but instead of reducing stress inducing situations, instead of tackling the problems source, we instead are going to create a drug that isolates people from that bad icky stuff in life: suffering. Do we really want a painless life? I don't. Pain free does not equal happy.

2. Armodafinil--can keep users awake for 48 hours with almost no dip in brainpower and increased memory and cognitive skills. Right, because we need to be able to work more, sleep less, induce more stress, so we can take propranolol. The moral end of human existence after all, is....efficiency, in this hustle and bustle world of ours. Armodafinil? No thank you. I'd prefer to rest my body when my body needs rest. What a wacky, backwards, so ancient and primitive concept. Moderation. Hmm.

3. Crofelemer--reduces the severity of all symptoms associated with irritable bowels. Allegedly, 20 percent of Americans suffer from irritable bowels, they argue that many don't report that they do. Now, in the modern American lifestyle, why do you think so many people suffer from irritable bowels? Well, what causes irritable bowels? Often a diet high in fat and sugar can lead to excess bloating and gas, and stress can lead to ulcers and irritated bowels...but, if I can take a drug that reduces my stress and a drug that eases my irritable bowels, then I can keep eating my McDonald's! Yay. Or you could eat healthy food and not need any drugs. This band-aid approach to our medical problems is astounding. And in addition, that these medicines are being highlighted all in the same spot, where it is plain to see how they interact and reinforce each other's problems! Amazing...I think maybe there is subtly at work here in Maxim magazine. Or am I reading too much into it? But by all means let's spend millions nay billions of dollars on drugs that allow us to maintain a lifestyle and societal order that is overwhelmingly a non-sustainable suicide track.

4. Within the coming decade we will have a drug that will be used to treat , get this, drug addicts. Hah. This drug, now keep in mind our memory altering stress drug, disrupts pleasant memories (i.e. memories of getting high) from their locations and context. The supposed thought behind this is that drug highs are so enticing because they happen in friendly pleasant contexts (i.e. with friends, at a party, while you're having a good time). So disrupting those associations should ease drug users off the drugs. Great, so we'll have a drug that dissociates ourselves from our own emotions and then one that disrupts the context of them altogether, but we also have a drug that will keep us awake and INCREASE our memory. That doesn't sound like a recipe for a screwed up person. And don't gimme this, well one person wouldn't take all those drugs. That's not really the point. Using the analogy of society as a person (bwahaha ethics class) our society would be screwed up if some of us were each taking one of these drugs. But the point, is what is behind the thoughts to come up with these drugs. Why aren't we thinking long term and with some level of awareness, ethics and sophistication? Why aren't we integrating health into our lifestyle as opposed to letting it subtly leak in by taking more and more drugs?

5. And finally, the big one. On the distant horizon, we have gene mapping that is "poised to revolutionize medicine". Hard to tell what will happen in the future obviously, but let's look at this potential direction we're moving. Pay close attention. A Google-funded company 23andMe will map customer's DNA for as low as $1000. The thought behind this is personalized drug regimens. Now, what makes me nervous, is that Google, already as the greatest search engine, has records of your searches. In addition, their ad software picks up on the contents of your email (at least those using Google Mail). And to complete the profile on Jane Doe, they now will have a company (in their financial pocket) that has mapped your DNA and knows how and what which drugs will do to you. Conspiracy theorist, liberal sensationalist, doomsday heralder? Maybe I am. But I don't think I have any large bridges to stretch. It's a possible way the future will unfold. All it takes is being a little aware about what's happening in your world and not being happily distracted by a poor performance by Britney Spears, or what flavor of jeans will best express YOU. And all the other bullshit that keeps us mighty busy (aren't we bored a lot?) with our personal lives. You want to clean up the yard (not the local park) install, a jacuzzi, renovate your house, or any number of other private world tasks and to-do's that take up your mental time. If only you had a dose of that Armodifinil...

A Once a Runner quote comes to mind (go figure) and it goes something like this..."And Southeastern University treated this failure in that great old American tradition of ignoring extraordinary amounts of contradictory evidence and proclaiming great success." that's a rough quote by the way. I don't remember that one as well...

I apologize for such a long post but I didn't post yesterday, so there ya go. Happy Friday.

And to move on to a more happy note...Brian and I had an audacious evening. We went to the library late and ended up having to walk home in the dark and it was raining. But we stopped by the grocery store on the way back and picked up a loaf of packaged bread (local) and a fresh loaf from the bakery in addition, to ah! What a great discovery, a package of 6 mini-sized Magnum ice cream bars. Which we of course split up and paid for the ice cream in coins and the rest in bills. We then walked home in the dark, cold, rain eating ice cream bars when we happened upon the filling station that was miraculously open. Brian with a grin, walks in and picks up two Mint Magnums, his hands, already full of little Magnum wrappers. I politely ask for a deck of playing cards, with the half eaten fresh loaf in my hand and the packaged loaf under my arm. The clerk obviously tries desperately to suppress laughter. I can only imagine the sight (maybe if I had that memory distancing drug). So we ate two additional Mint Magnums on the last leg of the journey home, choking down chocolate and ice cream between guffaws. We then proceeded to play two person mushroom (a drinking game) which, as those of you familiar with the game, left not many options for drink assignment. But the up side was that one could not incur additional wrath by ruthless heckling. And so, heckling aplenty.

Then once we had consumed a healthy amount of diet soda, ahem, we proceeded to live Will Leer's Nightmare, that is to say...We had a Disney song sing-a-long. Here, two gentlemen, huddled around a wee stove with a deck of cards strewn about a pile of empty cans and Magnum wrappers, singing, mainly off-key at the top of our lungs, over the howling wind "I can show you the world..." A beautiful sight to behold, let me tell you. My oh my, we are audacious. Happy weekend everyone.

Working with Spiders

my post got deleted but then recovered after I wrote it all over so sorry for repeat, but I'm posting both. bwahha.

So today and yesterday have been two full days of work of which I am quite proud and feel great about. It's been a while since we've worked so well or at least on projects that had so much to show for themselves. We cleaned out one of the major rooms today which meant I spent the better part of the day swinging a hammer to dislodge most of the moldy plaster that covered the stone walls while Hui scraped layer after layer of linoleum off the floor and tore down the ceiling.

I was covered in plaster and sat down to take a break when I gigantic spider started crawling down my collar. I was annoyed. And maybe a wee bit scared, but not really. We've gotten used to them even though their numbers have diminished drastically since we started clearing away shit and increasing bird traffic. awesome.

the weather again cooperated beautifully today and we pretty much stayed on task all day. it was good. really good. i feel great about it. and again we're making progress.


we moved the tent into the main room we cleared out and our next project will be the old room.  we tried burning peat in our stove as opposed to drenched logs and it burns so nicely that we have a seriously warm room (like barefeet shorts and no shirt warm).  It's great.  And we're really proud of ourselves for getting all this work done.

I cleared plaster off of walls all day and Brian scraped layer after layer of linoleum off the floor (honestly what were these people thinking?) There has been no regard for the longterm in many of the "fixes" we're coming across in construction on the house over the years.  But oh well.

A huge spider crawled through my hair and then down my collar today before I noticed it and threw it to the ground. I was more annoyed than anything, I guess that tells you my state now after 5 or so weeks.  Most of the spiders are finding new places to live now though that we are taking over.

It hasn't really rained in a while and it's been perfect fall weather. How nice.  I was struck today by an extremely warm memory and decided to write it down. I'll close with that today.

But before I do, I wanted to address the two quotations that have been posted here by anonymous.

The first one about 'God' I've definitely heard before and may have actually read some of that guy's stuff.  It's a good quote, I can't quite subscribe the 'God' language anymore but the meaning I think is a positive way for the 'faithful' or 'religious' to draw from dogmatic traditions. But then again, those traditions have purpose and can't be completely disregarded. It's a complicated situation that I can't say I care to get too far into over written words. I prefer dialogue.

As for the Teddy quote, I've heard that one as well.  And I like it enough. I'd like to add though that the critic is only guilty of the accustations that Teddy levels against her if critique is all she does.  But I'd argue that the role of a true critic is to be actively engaged (in the arena) in the dialogue of the subject matter which she critiques.  The true critic is an active particpant in a dynamic dialogue and therefore in just as much a position of action and greatness et cetera that Teddy waxes poetical about. My two cents on that.  And here, your moment of Zen.

On the 57.

Driving back in the white mini-van with the windows down and the warm late morning air screaming in, the bass from the stereo shook our weary bodies. After a long run in Carbon Canyon, riding back in such company giddy with fatigue and melting into our seats, tasting the waiting pancakes, sausage, muffins and (oh god please let there be eggs) at brunch produced smiles with such resolve nothing could peel them from our faces or disturb the contentedness in our hearts. Even the open windows couldn’t dispel the overwhelming stench of sweat, airheads, and car freshener, it packed us in and bonded us within that vehicle in a brotherhood of intimate knowledge. Half formed thoughts would careen through my consciousness flying by before really taking shape. I had trouble focusing on anything other than the wind on my face, the beats of our familiar song and the laughter or singing of my dearest companions. Nothing in the world seemed to matter as long as I was near these men. Legs aching with that old itching feeling, labored breathing and head swimming with heat and crusty salty skin were not symptoms of some torturous death but the limbs with which I embraced my friends. My pain was their pain, our pain. And our pain was turned into joy driving fast on the 57.

Q-Tips (aka Cotton Balls)

Monday September 10^th 2007

Today was another beautiful day. It reminded me of the middle of September in Iowa. The humidity of summer has left but the heat hasn’t quite all dissipated. That crisp warmth that comes only from the direct sunlight and a breeze with winter’s first messengers. People continue to warn us of the winter and I am fairly nervous. I hope we can get some more work done before the weather turns to cold.

We got a fair amount of work done today and I am exhausted. We just about finished filling in the back drainage trench with stone and built the doorframe and moved about 25 bags of coarse aggregate and sand in preparation for our new floor. Somewhat exciting, but as I lay in bed I can’t help but feel overwhelmed at the amount of hard work we have left to do. Even to get this place up from glorified camping to shanty living is going to take a couple more weeks of hard labour and to be perfectly honest, I am getting residually tired. The fatigue is not abated by the longer and longer nights of sleep we’re taking. And the more tired we wake up each morning the longer it takes to get going and the slower we’re able to work. But looking at what needs to be done before the winter we just don’t have the luxury of taking days off.

We cooked again for one of our friends in a real kitchen which is unbelievably nice. Brian and I are actually pretty good cooks if I do say so. Tonight, Brian cooked for the first time a cream of nettle soup (it was quite good) which is great to know how to do since we have a shit-ton of nettles and welp, they’re free. So there’s a great source of food. And I made a delicious pita bread salad and penne with a bean/leek/tomato/onion sauce. It was a wonderful dinner. We don’t normally cook soup/salad main course dinners on the stove/campstove in our little room. Wonder why, hmmph.

During dinner we watched this great television program they have over here that basically plays classical music but to music videos which while you might think sounds like a recipe for cheesy, it is a bit but it’s also pretty cool and I am beginning to really love classical music. Like I’ve said before I need to learn the piano and just start knowing the genre of art better. In addition, the great thing about cooking dinner for someone else is that they often will allow you to use their shower. Yep, another hot shower, living the life of luxury now. Somehow, it still doesn’t keep us quite clean and there is perpetually a garden living under my fingernails.

It’s weird living in a small town again. I can tell that I’m out of practice but that I’m starting to remember how to do it. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I enjoyed so much the liberation of moving out to the sprawling Inland Empire and greater Los Angeles area. Liberation unjustly implies that living in a small town is prison-like which is not always the case, although it certainly feels like it some of the time. But I enjoyed the new behavior set that came along with living in an area that was larger than my hometown, was filled with more people like me and the ability to get lost. But here I am back in a small town, smaller than my hometown (and in a foreign country no less) and I can feel myself ?reverting? I’m not sure that’s the right word, but revitalizing old instincts etc. It’s sort of like a survival mechanism which makes me laugh.

I bought Q-Tips! And now my ears are clean. And wow, gross. All the kids are back in school here and prance around town in their little uniforms which not only reminds me of my few years in uniformed Catholic school but also makes me think often of my little siblings. I saw pictures the other day of little Lilly all dressed up in her little uniform which is pretty much identical (except girl version, insert debate over gendered clothing here) to the uniform I wore at her age oh, about two decades ago (yeah two decades, oy). And the September weather made me think of Iowa. And high school cross country specifically because let’s be honest, from now on in my life that’s the only thought autumn will produce for me. And I’m glad to say, the feelings associated with cross country and autumn are still with me. There is a line in Once a Runner that comes to mind now that I’ve graduated and am forced not to think, but to think back to cross country and the like. It goes something like this, “the tiled locked room echoed booms, bellows and other sounds of ribald camaraderie that sports lend to young men, that they will consciously or subconsciously miss the rest of their lives.”

Winds of Inishowen

Sunday September 9^th 2007

We woke up slowly on Sunday mainly due to a rather large night out on Saturday. We still have not hit up the local disco, despite making it a long night. Then we spent the rest of the day spreading the additional 5 tons of gravel we ordered and began filling in the rear trench which we had finished digging and laid with pipe. It’s really difficult to spread tons and tons of gravel with your hands (or a small shovel). But I think it’s made the whole place much much nicer. It’s easier to walk around now, the mud is practically gone and the aesthetics are cleaner, less, ah, derelict.

It stormed all day though. Drizzle and some fantastic winds pounded the house all day. Which whilst spreading gravel, I didn’t really mind. We were both hungover and irritated, so the storm seemed to harmonize with my mood anyway. Then we walked into town for an early hot dinner and then settled back into our room for the night and listened to the wind. It was a rather uneventful day as seems to be the theme as of late. I can’t tell if it’s simply that I’m becoming tired but also used to this life that there is less to report or if the daily happenings are actually just lamer. It seems a little overbearing to continue to whine after a month. While walking into town though I did have the strange feeling of being in another country for this long. It was so much a feeling as a strange feeling thought. Thinking about it made it seem strange, not that I actually feel strange. For me, being in a foreign country was always in the context of a vacation or a short trip etc. So actually having been here for more than a couple weeks seems odd. Whereas Brian having spent time in Thailand doesn’t seem quite as struck by the notion. This is what happens I guess when you don’t study abroad during school.

So I thought I had thrown out my shoulders or at least arms but I think it turns out they are just extremely sore from the work and they just aren’t recovering. Bummer. Because it really really hurts. But I have yet to take any aspirin, and I probably won’t. The town has begun to die down now that tourist season is coming to a close but it has yet to turn into a ‘ghost town’ as some have warned. We are somewhat trying to break into a younger scene here since most of our friends are at least double our age, I feel like I might be repeating stuff I’ve already said. Hmm, not a good sign.

… (that ellipsis is me trying to think of something stunningly witty and original.)

I wish I lived in a library. A really big one. And I wish paganism was a major world religion. And I wish there was no such thing as concrete or asphalt. And I wish we had transportation that didn’t destroy the environment. Oh, I also need to learn to play the piano or at least know lots about it. Well, really, I want to know a lot about everything. Did it ever occur to anyone else how silly it is that we live in a world with several lifetimes worth of fascinating things to learn and yet we spend most our lives doing the same crap? This is basic instinctual repulsion to “jobs” or “careers”. I mean, I think that we’ve sort of forgotten, or don’t believe anymore that simply existing and existing well is a noble life. I guess we’ve a skewed notion of “accomplishment” would be the crux of the point. Why must I do anything? And on that thought. I’m not going to write anymore. Hah

Sorry for such a turd entry yesterday but it was super nice out and I really didn't feel like spending too much time inside. Brian and I for the first time worked in just shorts it was so warm out. Awesome. As Brian says "Sun's out gun's out" Right. My right shoulder has now become perpetually sore. I hope I'm getting buff although I doubt it.

So there wasn't a bus to Derry in time for the half-marathon, so I missed it. Damn. Brian and I moved the ancient heavy corn thrasher (like a primitive combine for all my Iowa friends) away from the front door area to its more permanent establishment, greeter at the driveway's end. In the future it will hold the man made out of beer cans that acts as our post box.

We also finished spreading the gravel (and ordered more) and finished digging the drainage trenches around the house. We will be putting in the plastic drainage pipes today and filling the trenches with gravel to complete the drainage system. We also did quite a bit of landscaping the other day and opened up the front yard a ton. Some of the large sycamore trees surrounding the front of the house are diseased, we aren't sure what to do with them. We are waiting til Brian's father (who is a baller when it comes to botany) will tell us his opinion. It's raining today however and well. Rain sorta sucks.

I finished Dune last night and I'm tempted to get another novel from the library, but I know this inhibits work. I am trying. What else can I relay?

I took my second hot shower since being here thanks to a generous neighbor and today is the second laundry day since being here. Not much has happened over the past few days, Brian and I have stayed in most the nights and been reading etc. Today is the Rugby World Cup kick-off with Ireland playing Namibia. And the Gaelic Football Finals are coming up. Just so you all know. Watching rugby again makes me think of my dear Scotty P and how much I'd love to see him bustin' skulls again.

Well sadly I haven't any funny stories to tell and I've pretty much caught you all up on news and as for philosophical musings or weird quirky characteristics, I pretty much have got nothin'.

Except that! I love science fiction books because I wish they were real. It's pretty dorky, buttt for those of you familiar with Dune the novel etc, I would love to actually have Bene Gesserit and Mentats exist. Sigh. It'd be great. I think I am going to pick up Ender's Game if they have it (doubt it) which spells disaster because there are four books in the series and once I get started I can't stop. They are heaven. I also had a great conversation yesterday about the safety and privacy and advancements in technology. Can you believe that technology is moving so quickly that even I would become a resistant 'old timer' backwards fashioned person in this day and age? Maybe yeah, but still. I don't know about more than half the stuff out there. Am fairly computer illiterate and well, there are large social issues related to our current technological fascination, I wonder how it will all play out. The privacy issue is one of the scariest I believe. Now I already have some tendencies to give conspiracy theories the benefit of the doubt, but I am extremely worried that GMail scans the content of your email and picks up keywords to guide their sidebar advertisements. And there's a sneaking suspicion that the Facebook will eventually be commandeered or controlled in a way that thousands of people's profiles will be in dossiers. The sad thing is, that one wouldn't have to worry thinking that much of things posted on the internet about a person, searches, email, facebook especially, are all choice patterns (looked at and viewed as such because of the economic bent on their use (adverts)) but due to the direction the society has taken in eliminating true freedoms from the individual and swapping them for things such as personal choice (what color is your cell phone, stone washed or traditional blue jeans, are you one of these types or the other etc) become more important and all encompassing definitions of who we are. The freedom to choose should not be limited to the freedom to choose amongst 7 manifestations of 3 multi-national's mobile phone brands. That's not freedom. The solution? I don't know I haven't thought that far. There's a rant for you. Ok laters.

Friday

It's an absolutely beautiful day here in Buncrana this Friday. Brian and I have decided to come into town in the morning before getting a full day's worth of work done out at the house. It's really warm, it's almost like summer here. What a wonderful feeling. Not much to report after yesterday's post considering not much time has elapsed. But regardless, we are looking forward to a good weekend. I am trying as quickly as I can to finish Dune so that I'm not so distracted. Ah well. I suppose that's it for now. Sorry for such a weak entry.

My Mind is Apt to Wander

So I'm a bit fatigued this evening so I can't vouch for the coherency (coherency?) of this entry. Brian and I took a day to ourselves, tag teaming doing work on the house and coming into town. I think 5 weeks with only one other person with whom you really spend any time and/or mental energy with can start to go a bit stale. So, yeah, it was about time. Hopefully a day apart will bring freshness back to our interactions, (although spending that day apart simply by yourself might not do the trick) damn. The dismal tone to my blog may be returning despite the lack of rain (curses!) Well we've sort of been derailed in our motivation and spastic house building awesomeness that was the first month. We got comfy chairs, a warm fire, consistent cheap food and a dry roof over our heads, so we've pretty much just stagnated and began existing for a while. We are trying to get working legitimately again. Most of the work we've done for the past week, week and a half has been landscaping shit which to be honest, shouldn't be that high of a priority. But I must admit what we've done I'm happy with, the place looks a bit better. We've been waiting on grant information that I don't believe we'll ever get and so I think we'll begin on our next phase of operations. As for other things, let's see... I finished Dorian Gray and have started Dune by Frank Herbert. Reading novels is a great way to escape and science fiction is even better. However, its a double-edged sword because novels are like an addiction for me and when I'm into one I can do nothing else. This is not helping with getting me back to work. Oh but novels are so good. (well some of them anyway) I've been really missing the city lately, not any city in particular (well LA is most prominent) but just 'the city'. It could also be a bit of american in there too. Its interesting because you can detect American influences here but it isn't really American. So I feel safe saying that I miss American things here, not things per se, but ...what is it? Hah, a quotation from Once a Runner just came to my mind..."Cassidy tried to focus hard on the edges of his feelings, was he nostalgic, melancholy, was he feeling bah-looo? He noticed that his emotions had calluses like his feet..." It is tiring, let's say, to feel as though one must constantly work to understand what's going in one's surroundings, how people you interact with are speaking behaving, how to interpret, considering the myriad of possibilites and in turn working just as hard to communicate, express and convey your ideas, concepts, basic communication really in a way that is not your own, and in a way that your listener/observer might understand/interpret correctly. It's tiring. And so, at times, I long for American company, company in which I can slack off and be less cognizant of my casual references, slang remarks and subtle humor. I guess you could say I long for familliarity. Natural I suppose yeah? Afterall, I am in a foreign country...does it make it more acute that the language we share is more or less the same? It seems that it teases in a way that says they might understand, or it makes it more difficult because the tools are the same but simply used in a different way, meaning the subtlety in difference is at a deeper level than say being in company that speaks a foreign language one might have to work harder? who knows....any input from my friends in non-English speaking countries? Forget it. Not much else to report or elaborate on. Perhaps I'll start re-reading Once a Runner...it has never failed to make me feel better about life. Also, Brian and I need to find ping-pong balls. They shall not escape us. Also, without the ability to rent kegs here (did you all know that?) this is my guess...there are not large quantities of cheap plastic cups. We found plastic cups, but they were only sold in sets of 10 and for €6 which is hideously expensive. How we long for 250 red cups for 3 dollars. And a keg for that matter. But we have found a new beverage that is even cheaper than Castlemaine thanks to our neighbor friend. Galahad (yup, you guessed it, brewed with purity and pride) that is more alcoholic and its cheaper, double fun. I do apologize for the tone of this entry, I have been in quite a sour mood all day today and I'm not sure why. Perhaps I'm just really tired. It'd be really great if one of you would nominate us for a Renovate your House for Free While We Put You Up in a 5 Star Hotel in the South of France reality shows. I again today, went through the whole thought process that I've done a million times...I think it happens a lot when I read science fiction, but for those of you with whom I've discussed this topic you can roll your eyes and say "there he goes again" I won't go through the process here, but suffice it to say, it dealt with greatness. Feelings of greatness. It's only now coupled with the fact that I'm utterly useless here. Sometimes I think, I'm really not good for much besides being showered in luxury and provoking others to have great ideas, hahaha. Nah, in this respect I'm bipolar. But feelings of greatness. I have a strong desire to be great but know somewhere in my heart that I'm not cut out for it and that's a really sad thought. But most people aren't and that makes it even worse, not because those people aren't great, but more because it accentuates the fact that I'm not...its conceited I know, but I'm sure if you turned a critical searching eye on yourself you'd find a sliver of the same feeling. hah. so there. and that'll be it for today I think. it can't all be stars and sparkles, sunshine and rainbows. because let's face it that stuff's nauseating in its inadequacy.

A Wonderful Morning

***The previous post was actually Sunday's entry, but the library is closed Sundays and Mondays. Monday was boring so no post. ***

This morning has been just about perfect. I woke reluctantly and to it raining even though the forecast was for a dry spell. However, I didn’t wake with the same petulant despair as I had a few weeks ago when I heard rain. Changing quickly into my running clothes without leaving my sleeping bag and trying not to wake Brian, I slipped out of the tent. We spread a good deal of foundation gravel all around the yard to aid in drainage and it makes a huge difference. I strode across the freshly laid gravel and into the kitchen where I brushed my teeth and pounded some water (I was really dehydrated). Sitting in my new easy chair and rubbing my incubated skin I tried to work up the courage to venture outdoors. Arms tucked tightly up in my shoulders and hands reaching around my sides gripping them for warmth I walked to the end of the driveway and with a sliver of hesitation broke into a stiff jaunt.

Today I turned left. All my previous runs have been to the right of our little lane but today I turned left. Going up the breagh, and going straight through the yield sign takes you down into a gorgeous valley floor. I have named my first run here because it was so obvious this morning. Running along that valley floor I was running alongside a towering forest of pine trees. I have decided to name this Freeman Forest. After passing Freeman forest you can either take a left and loop back toward home or go out into the great wide open to the right. Feeling as I did this morning I turned left and decided to explore another day. I have a few other ideas for my other runs but none good enough to deserve the namesakes. This run however was different.

Returning home to Brian still fast asleep in the tent, I washed a few dishes started a fire and took a long luxurious stretch in front of it. Pulling our makeshift door closed I put the kettle on and clicked my Norah Jones playlist. Money. And at that, I poured myself a nice glass of fresh OJ and sat down in front of the fire. Perfect in my opinion.

But it gets even better. In the middle of writing this here entry the Postman arrives and what does he have to deliver? None other than a beautiful package from my dear Sweet Nanny, that made this morning better than Christmas (except for the lack of family). Three beautiful wonderful divine DVDs were in that package. It’s going to be a slow morning.

Running with the Cows

Well, it’s night here. And I haven’t written a legitimate blog entry in a while mainly because we’ve been too busy or tired or rushed to write on the computer at home and every time I sit in the warm library I just get really sleepy and have troubles writing.

We had a gigantic jump up in standard of living today. We met some wonderful people who offered us some furniture for free. We now have a large glass door that is acting as a window (brilliant) we’ve added parsley to our herb garden that now sits outside the glass door window (cute) and we quadrupled our table/counter surface. This has improved our little room SO much. Having a place to put things is really important not only for cleanliness, keeping track of things, and deterring rats, but psychologically as well. We now have everything lined up and organized as opposed to in random plastic bags littered across the floor. Awesome. But the grand finale is the addition of two large lounge chairs (thank god they fit through the narrow doorway). We shampooed them today and let them dry (thanks for not raining Ireland. And we’ve now brought them in next to the fire and by golly, it looks like we have a little home. Our two lanterns still light the small room. The wooden side of the roof actually reflects a fair amount of light and it’s positively cozy. Now if only we had an even floor and a door.

I put the tarp over the next section roof which I suppose is the official ‘moving onto the next step’ event. We are going to tackle the humongous job of cleaning the main house.

I must admit though, that today I finally broke down while moving/cleaning the lounge chairs. I have been remarkably good (for me) in regards to living with spiders, insects, and rats. Not that I’m particularly afraid of any (ok a little bit insects and I can’t stand spiders), but I haven’t complained once. I’ve dealt with them and to be honest really haven’t been that bothered. The gigantic spider and spider nests along with a swarm of potato bugs that were inhabiting my lounge chair seriously threatened the chance of this lounge chair ever getting into our house and getting my butt in it. So I broke down and got a little skittish with the lounge chair. But I cleaned it and rid it of the spider, the nests and the bugs. And now, I’m currently enjoying it. We also got three barstools and built our Beirut table, so we are anxiously awaiting our first visitor…

Thanks to all you people who have recently dropped me a line. It’s nice to hear from everybody. It’s been a month now that we’ve been here and I must admit that I am beginning to miss the city. Not any city in particular but city living, whether its Seattle (don’t miss the traffic) or Los Angeles, or the short time I was in San Francisco or briefly seeing Boston, I miss the city. I also miss having people who are similar to me around. But I went for another run today and that was good. I am horribly out of shape. Running is unbelievably uncomfortable when you’re out of shape. But I gutted out a nice 75 minute run. And I found out about a half-marathon on Saturday in Derry (which is in Northern Ireland). I am going to try to run in it and its giving me something to train for. I will try to run everyday from now til then. But I definitely was exhausted today before we even started moving all the furniture so it was an extremely exhausting day and I’m not sure I would be able to do that for a week. It just means I’d have to eat more (expensive) and not let any of my body recover from working hard on the house so I don’t know…but I do enjoy running again. I am also incredibly inflexible. I need to be careful or I’ll pull something soon…I can feel it.

We still haven’t met many people our own age here, but that’s partly due to the fact that we don’t really go out much. Brian’s not all that interested in going out and without anyone dragging me out, well you know me, I just sort of stay in. heh. But I’d like to, I really need some people my own age around here. Brian’s great and all, but we’ve spent a lot of time together. And we’ve spent a lot of time with people several years older than us. Oh well.

I am going to get back to Dorian Gray and I bid you all a good day or night, depending where you are. Hope you are well.

Enough Serious Stuff

Actually there will be more serious stuff. But I have some non-serious stuff that might be entertaining.

Brian and I haven't done too much work on the house lately due to this whole hullabaloo over grants etc. Technically to qualify for house renovation grants you can't have started the project already...so we're hesistant to move forward. Which is alright because we've been continuing to form excellent contacts and general rapport around the town I think. Definitely starting to settle in.

We basically wake up slowly and start a fire, cook oatmeal and eggs and then decide the plan for the day. We finished the roof because we finally got the last of our materials. We've built most of the door and we're waiting on the floor before we put up the doorframe etc.

The paper printed another article not really about us but saying that we were being offered help. The help that had been 'offered' (since we weren't told about anything, a friend had to show us the paper) was in the form of a building seminar being hosted in the Gaelte which is the western part of this county...about an hour and a half drive. Graciously one of our local friends drove us all the way out there for the seminar (which technically you had to apply for and had a closing date of before we arrived in the country...) we were taking our chances on whether or not they would let us into the seminar late. However, when we got there, we found out the seminar had been the previous week (the week before the paper printed the article notifying the peninsula about it... so great. No seminar. But we are getting in touch with Heritage Center people who I believe are going to be a huge help.

However, since the seminar was a bust and we were all the way out in the Gaelte our friend decided to stop by and visit long time friends of his...Enya's parents. Awesome, you can imagine how excited Brian and I were about this. So we had a grand ole visit with the family had some food, some laughs, good times. We then drove all the way back to Buncrana.

That night we had to gather more firewood for the fire and so Brian and I hacked away several large tree branches (they were already dead) we hacked them away from bramble bushes. And piled them in the front yard and began splitting them down to size. It was getting dark and we both had our headlamps on and weren't saying anything, all you could hear in the dim lit air was the snapping of sticks. Then each of us picked up a rather large stick and attempted to shake it loose from the rest of the sticks. Pulling and pulling and getting frustrated we finally looked up at each other and saw that we had a hold of the same branch. I smiled and said "Cute"...Brian muttered under his breath "Gross". Yes sir, camraderie is certainly starting to blossom over at McCarron Manor...

Which reminds me. We need suggestions on what to name the place. A lot of the houses around here have little plaques at the front gates displaying the house name (it reminds me of Cape Cod) so we need a name. The suggestions we've come up with so far have been as follows:

McCarron Manor
Darkwood Manor
Castlemaine Manor
5555 Stella
McCarron's Tavern

Also we went to have lunch at one of our local haunts and a lot of the places have those bug zapper things by the door. Well in this fairly small joint we were enjoying some sandwiches when all of a sudden we heard a loud ZAP! We briefly looked up and then went back to our sandwiches and books. Then we heard electrical singe sound and a string of short zap zap zaps. We look up again and while we can't see any insect in the zapper we can tell it's struggling for its life. It's not going quietly for the next 3 minutes this bug zips and zaps its way through this zapper and by the time it dies it has captured the entire restaurant's attention. Looking around at all the faces riveted to the events in the bug zapper seemed quite comical. We were all glued now to this fight for life. But alas, that fly must have died...

Life has slowed down here a bit and become more regular. Hence the lack of exciting news in the blog. But I'll try to keep things interesting. Brian and I both hate corrugated tin with the power of a thousand suns. It's quite possibly the devil's creation. Trying to manipulate it is helpless and frustrating. Kinda like trying to play Asshole...hah.

We need a deck of cards. Anyway, that may be it for now. I can't really think of much else to say. I was going to talk a little more about Beauty, Youth and Morality, but I'm guessing I should let that rest for a bit.

Brian's dreams consistently deal with dinosaurs...we're not sure what that means. I also had a dream where I argued with my mom about how many timezones Canada had. All I remember is trying to explain how longitude works to her and how ridiculous she was insisting that there was a 90 day difference between the West Coast of Canada and the East Coast...Oona? Dave? is this true? Anyway, the West Coast of Canada has about another 60 days before my blog even shows up so I guess we'll have to wait.

Claremont has started another semester and it feels a bit strange/sad? to not be there. For those of you familiar with Brule, Wisconsin and that fantastic 6 day stretch or whatever, cue "If I could Save Time in a Bottle..." Hearing about cross country starting up, getting videos forwarded to me about steeplechasers, catching glimpses of the World Championships in Osaka (what a stellar 1500 by Legat, but he's no Will Leer) just makes me think about how different my life is now than it was not so long ago. I'm starting to get a little gut. I'm not liking it as much as I thought I would. I'm not sure why I wasn't ready to leave when graduation came but I knew it before senior year even started. I knew I wasn't ready to have only one year left...and yet several of my friends couldn't wait to get out. They were tired, sick of it, bored, or just ready for a change. I was sort of ready for a change, but I certainly did not want to give Pomona up. I don't think I wasted any time there, I don't have any regrets, I just wish I had more. There were enough amazing people there that I barely knew that I could have gone through Pomona two or three times getting to know each 'group' better and have been completely satisfied. And now we are all far flung across the world.

Anyway, its just interesting how plans change. I also have a burning desire to show all the people here where I come from, what my life was like, what I was like, etc etc etc and an equally burning desire to show everyone back home my new world here, my new life here, what I'm like here...hahah, how liminal my position is, oh brother. Ok so sappy sentimental stuff I should have dealt with in May is over now.

I think I'll check out as its 6 am on a Saturday on the West Coast and not much later throughout the rest of the country (we don't have that many time zones) so there isn't much chance of catching anybody up. Oh well. Talk to you all some time soon I hope.