My Mind is Apt to Wander

So I'm a bit fatigued this evening so I can't vouch for the coherency (coherency?) of this entry. Brian and I took a day to ourselves, tag teaming doing work on the house and coming into town. I think 5 weeks with only one other person with whom you really spend any time and/or mental energy with can start to go a bit stale. So, yeah, it was about time. Hopefully a day apart will bring freshness back to our interactions, (although spending that day apart simply by yourself might not do the trick) damn. The dismal tone to my blog may be returning despite the lack of rain (curses!) Well we've sort of been derailed in our motivation and spastic house building awesomeness that was the first month. We got comfy chairs, a warm fire, consistent cheap food and a dry roof over our heads, so we've pretty much just stagnated and began existing for a while. We are trying to get working legitimately again. Most of the work we've done for the past week, week and a half has been landscaping shit which to be honest, shouldn't be that high of a priority. But I must admit what we've done I'm happy with, the place looks a bit better. We've been waiting on grant information that I don't believe we'll ever get and so I think we'll begin on our next phase of operations. As for other things, let's see... I finished Dorian Gray and have started Dune by Frank Herbert. Reading novels is a great way to escape and science fiction is even better. However, its a double-edged sword because novels are like an addiction for me and when I'm into one I can do nothing else. This is not helping with getting me back to work. Oh but novels are so good. (well some of them anyway) I've been really missing the city lately, not any city in particular (well LA is most prominent) but just 'the city'. It could also be a bit of american in there too. Its interesting because you can detect American influences here but it isn't really American. So I feel safe saying that I miss American things here, not things per se, but ...what is it? Hah, a quotation from Once a Runner just came to my mind..."Cassidy tried to focus hard on the edges of his feelings, was he nostalgic, melancholy, was he feeling bah-looo? He noticed that his emotions had calluses like his feet..." It is tiring, let's say, to feel as though one must constantly work to understand what's going in one's surroundings, how people you interact with are speaking behaving, how to interpret, considering the myriad of possibilites and in turn working just as hard to communicate, express and convey your ideas, concepts, basic communication really in a way that is not your own, and in a way that your listener/observer might understand/interpret correctly. It's tiring. And so, at times, I long for American company, company in which I can slack off and be less cognizant of my casual references, slang remarks and subtle humor. I guess you could say I long for familliarity. Natural I suppose yeah? Afterall, I am in a foreign country...does it make it more acute that the language we share is more or less the same? It seems that it teases in a way that says they might understand, or it makes it more difficult because the tools are the same but simply used in a different way, meaning the subtlety in difference is at a deeper level than say being in company that speaks a foreign language one might have to work harder? who knows....any input from my friends in non-English speaking countries? Forget it. Not much else to report or elaborate on. Perhaps I'll start re-reading Once a Runner...it has never failed to make me feel better about life. Also, Brian and I need to find ping-pong balls. They shall not escape us. Also, without the ability to rent kegs here (did you all know that?) this is my guess...there are not large quantities of cheap plastic cups. We found plastic cups, but they were only sold in sets of 10 and for €6 which is hideously expensive. How we long for 250 red cups for 3 dollars. And a keg for that matter. But we have found a new beverage that is even cheaper than Castlemaine thanks to our neighbor friend. Galahad (yup, you guessed it, brewed with purity and pride) that is more alcoholic and its cheaper, double fun. I do apologize for the tone of this entry, I have been in quite a sour mood all day today and I'm not sure why. Perhaps I'm just really tired. It'd be really great if one of you would nominate us for a Renovate your House for Free While We Put You Up in a 5 Star Hotel in the South of France reality shows. I again today, went through the whole thought process that I've done a million times...I think it happens a lot when I read science fiction, but for those of you with whom I've discussed this topic you can roll your eyes and say "there he goes again" I won't go through the process here, but suffice it to say, it dealt with greatness. Feelings of greatness. It's only now coupled with the fact that I'm utterly useless here. Sometimes I think, I'm really not good for much besides being showered in luxury and provoking others to have great ideas, hahaha. Nah, in this respect I'm bipolar. But feelings of greatness. I have a strong desire to be great but know somewhere in my heart that I'm not cut out for it and that's a really sad thought. But most people aren't and that makes it even worse, not because those people aren't great, but more because it accentuates the fact that I'm not...its conceited I know, but I'm sure if you turned a critical searching eye on yourself you'd find a sliver of the same feeling. hah. so there. and that'll be it for today I think. it can't all be stars and sparkles, sunshine and rainbows. because let's face it that stuff's nauseating in its inadequacy.