Blah.

So another night and day has passed. It was beautiful today here on Inishowen. I picked up a book from a friend and began to read it. It's pretty good. And its one of those books that makes me reflect. my favorite kind.

some times i think all that goes through my head is just a bunch of rubbish. and other times i'm overwhelmed with tragedy at not being able to record it all. and this cliche popped into my mind. are only the evil so preoccupied with being good? Agh, ugh, blah. I'll probably spend the rest of the night reading this book. Excellent.

The spare bedroom is coming along although, not surprisingly, work goes more slowly with only one person. And especially when that one person is me. I won't be alone long enough to kick this moping and start being productive though, which leaves nothing but unexplainable lacking results that feed my own guilt and self-chiding. damn.

i also came to the conclusion that i have yet still too many emotional reservations to be able to write the candid unapologetic book that I'm craving to write. I still have too many hold-outs and hopes of changing the plot and creating the story I wish to tell, I am not yet at a point where I can look at my life and experiences (thus far, haha) with the fond recollection of a quaint story at a distant. not that those adjectives should describe my story to anyone but me. and another revelation, one that came a while ago, but i never really felt like being this public about, but eh, what the hell, most people would peg it on me already. my vanity is not so much that I wish to write a harrowing ground breaking heart rending novel of the ages as much as I want someone to write a harrowing ground breaking heart rending novel of the ages about me. sooo, yeah. not quite at the point where I can write unapologetically. Hah. Although, I'm practicing, see.

Is it strange that I long for old age and yet am absolutely in utter rejection of surrendering my youth? It just seems fitting I suppose. Somehow. Hmmm...I think I'd rather go read my book than continue this. Too much feeling of intrusion by everything, even my own thoughts. I need the story to concentrate upon.

being a man of a thousand hats and yet unable to escape a defining one is simultaneously my saving grace and my damning curse. hahaha, that's ridiculous.

happy hump day again.

as time goes by....


(great song).